Learning to Trust God During a Trial

“…Count it all joy when you fall into various trials. Knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.” (James 1:2-3, New King James Version).

January 2023 was a very challenging month. For those who are new to my blog, I want you to know that I suffer from anxiety. During the month of January, God taught me how to have more patience while walking through a tough trial. Let me explain… On Thursday, January 19th, I checked my USPS Mobile Informed Delivery App. When I opened it, fear sunk it’s claws into me, and my stomach started doing flip flops when I realized a Jury Summons was on its way. I told my husband, Matt, what was coming in the mail. Many people get called to Jury Duty every day; but for me, this made my anxiety worse because of my disabilities. My mind began to race. I am visually impaired and imagined struggling to see evidence that could impact someone’s future. On top of this, how would I get there? The courthouse is 25 miles from my home; and because of my visual impairment, I cannot drive. My husband is completely blind and does not drive either. Unfortunately, our budget would not allow for me to use a taxi service or an Uber for a week’s worth of travel to the courthouse. Later that afternoon, I trembled as I opened the envelope that contained my summons. I struggled visually to read it. At first, I thought I understood the summons to say that if I did not return the enclosed questionnaire and excusal note from my doctor within 10 days I would face a stiff fine and / or imprisonment. My anxiety already in overdrive went into turbo charge at the thought of being fined and going to prison. I thought how ironic it would be for me to need jurors to determine my fate for not getting my jury duty paperwork filed on time. I did not know when I could get a doctor’s appointment or how long it might take for her to write an excusal note. Fortunately, I was able to get a ride to my doctor’s office on Monday to drop off the paperwork for my excusal letter. By then, four days had already passed. I still was not certain how long it would take for my doctor to prepare the letter of excusal for the courthouse. I was in a state of sheer panic. My anxiety, however, began to subside a little bit when I learned that I had misread the summons. It was only the questionnaire that needed to be returned within 10 days, and they allowed six weeks for my doctor to prepare my excusal letter. After breathing a sigh of relief, I knew the clock was still ticking, however, on mailing my questionnaire. The next day we went to the post office and sent it off via Priority Mail—which cost $11.00. The postal clerk promised me that the courthouse would receive my questionnaire on Thursday—which would have been within the allotted ten days. I felt like I was strapped into an emotional rollercoaster when I called the courthouse on Thursday afternoon and learned that my questionnaire had not arrived. Even though the courthouse clerk was understanding and told me to call back on Friday to see if it arrived then, it did very little to comfort my troubled spirit. I was not practicing patience nor was I feeling peace which are both fruit of the Holy Spirit. I was not allowing God to take ahold of the situation, nor was I letting him take care of me. I knew I had two answers to this event in my life: Either God was going to allow me to have peace by being excused from Jury Duty, or he would give me peace by walking with me even if I had to attend. But I knew my actions, my worrying and anxiety, did not line up with my belief. That’s when I began to find some solace by worshipping Jesus, particularly when I listened to the soundtrack from a play we had recently seen at Sight &Sound called David.

“Be strong and courageous, Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” (Deuteronomy 31:6)

When I called the courthouse back the next day on Friday, the questionnaire still had not arrived. Time was running out, and I couldn’t believe that it hadn’t been delivered since we sent it Priority Mail. I downloaded another questionnaire from the courthouse’s website, filled it out and went back to the post office on Monday. By then, it was the eleventh day, and my questionnaire was now late. The post office couldn’t find nor explain what had happened to my questionnaire. We then paid $27.00 for overnight delivery. It was money we didn’t really have. When we got home, I kept worrying that the sheriff would be knocking on my door to arrest me. I listened to the soundtrack David for the umpteenth time. Then I called the courthouse to let them know what was going on. The clerk was very kind and understanding. She told me not to worry and to call back the next day to see if it had arrived. When I spoke with her the following morning, she still hadn’t received my questionnaire yet, but she had great news. My doctor had already faxed over my excusal letter, and the judge signed off on it. The clerk promised to send a green postcard with my official jury duty excusal on it. A few days later after it arrived, my anxiety turned into praise.

“I will praise the LORD at all times. I will constantly speak his praises.” (Psalms 34:1) God truly had a lesson for me. I need to trust Him at all times—even when I can’t see Him working.

2023: Introducing This Year’s Question

For those of you who have been long time readers, you know that I kick of each year by focusing on an area of growth to develop throughout the year. This year’s subject was inspired by a conversation that occurred while eating breakfast with a group of people one morning recently. Between bites of pancakes and sips of coffee, I was explaining how my business, Harris’ Inkwell, was in its infancy and not yet very profitable. That’s when one of the people in the group presented me with this question: “If working on being monetarily successful is not an option, then what other areas in your life can you have success? That question has been kicking around in my head ever since, and I hope to answer it before the end of 2023. I know the answer well be different for everyone, but I believe that whatever the answer is might be the key to happiness.

To begin my quest for answers, I opened the Bible for guidance. As I read, I stumbled onto this verse from the Old Testament: “For the Lord does not see as man sees; for a man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7). Maybe as I journey to find answers to this question, I will also grow in other areas of my life. Will you join me on this adventure?    

2022: Be Present, Be Faithful, Be Generous: December Edition

“Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:13-14) (NIV)

First, butterflies, I am sorry that I did not blog consistently this year. Life changed since I got married. Life has gotten busier, and it has changed for the better. My hope is for me to be more consistent with my blogging next year. Now on to this last entry for 2022.

During this year, I learned how to be present. My husband, Matt, is totally blind and I am visually impaired so going out is quite an adventure to us. Because we don’t drive, we use Uber, the mobility bus, or friends and family help us. We love using our alternative transportation to go out on dates to restaurants, to the movies and trips to the mall. We also went to the Sight and Sound Theater in Pennsylvania to see the play, David. A good friend of ours also drove us to two of my husband’s book signings this year at His Way Christian Bookstore. We had a lot of interesting conversations and was blessed by the experience.

One of the most influential people that I got to talk to this year was my father-in-law, Jack. He showed me how to exercise one’s faith in Christ while dying. Jack knew he was going to die soon and that we die because of sin. But he also knew and believed the gospel, that Jesus died on the cross to forgive the sins of the world and that God his father raised him from the dead.  As a result, Jack knew he had a place in heaven. This knowledge also brought comfort for his family after Jack passed away on May 20th, 2022.

Eternal life is God’s free gift to the world, and all we need to do is receive it. I received mine 20 years ago as a teenager. If you would like to receive yours today, then please pray with me now and mean it in your heart:

“Dear Jesus, I know I’m a sinner, and because of that I would be lost in hell without you. Please forgive me and come into my life and save me. I believe that you died on the cross for my sins and that God, your father, raised you from the dead. Thank you, Jesus, for loving me and for giving me your gift of eternal life. Amen!”

If you accepted Christ today Happy Birthday! You are now part of God’s family.

This year I learned how to be faithful. I would usually let fear overtake me because of my past. However, I’m not scared of life anymore. I’m enjoying it. I am working on letting go of my past, and that is okay. The key is I am enjoying life. Before I moved to Maryland from Florida, I didn’t have a zest for life. I mainly tried to keep other people in my life happy by applying for jobs to chase the American Dream. Because the transportation in Florida for the disabled was inadequate, I basically stayed home in my room wasting my life away. I had bouts of anxiety and depression. Since I moved to Maryland, I have accessible transportation, and I can be faithful to my “Yes” to life instead of running from it. My battles with anxiety and depression have decreased.

 God loves a cheerful giver! During the year, Matt and I have faithfully given out complimentary copies of Seeing Through Blindness, a book my husband wrote about his struggles with visual impairment, drugs and God as a teenager and young adult.  In short, it is a book about his journey to Jesus. My hope is that anyone who receives a book finds hope and encouragement.

I am excited to see what 2023 holds for me!

Our First Anniversary

My Dearest Warrior Poet,

I can’t believe we made it to our one-year anniversary! Sadly, my return policy has already expired. LOL just kidding, I wouldn’t return you for anything. Ever since I started talking to you as a friend, I just knew that I loved your personality. Your silly jokes, hard worth ethic, and love for the Lord made me fall in love with you.

I was so excited to accept your proposal at the park just a few days after I arrived…and I was even more excited for our lives to become intertwined when we said, “I do.”….

This year, God has truly shown me what courage, trust and true love are all about. I became your sweet Ruth leaving her home ready to start a new chapter in her life. You are like my strong Boaz. Treating me with kindness and respect and showing me how strong of a woman I actually am.

A week after we got married, we ended up on a search for my father-in-law, we found him at the hospital, with him to be released with marching orders to see a specialist. Our family would get an even bigger shock two weeks later, when we went to his house for a wellness check and found him on the floor. And sadly Jack was confused. Months of visits to a rehab with hope of recovery turned to sadness as a doctor told us Hospice care would be in Jack’s future.

With God as our commander, we pulled together like a tight blanket to help bring Jack home until a few months later when he joined his heavenly father in heaven.

Don’t worry dear, going on poetry walks is one of my favorite ways to help us beat the pounds and for me to help you experience poetry.

Before I became your wife I worried about the little things-like how to cook. From cooking you a delicious chicken soup to an almost burning up pizza I overcame my fear of burning up our apartment in flames. The fear has been extinguished and now it shows in our pounds on the scale.

As I sit here thinking about our first year together, I can’t count all of the laughs, tears, and hugs we shared.

I have been praying for a husband since the age of twelve; I am so honored that God finally answered that prayer by giving me you.

Happy first anniversary my warrior poet.

P.S. there are fresh cookies on the counter for you to enjoy. 😊

2022: Be Present, Be Faithful, Be Generous: March Edition

“I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind, to reward each person according to their conduct, according to what their deeds deserve.” Jeremiah 17:10 NIV

This month had it’s up and downs. In some themes better than others. This month I learned more about being present and faithful more than anything else. During the month of March my husband and I stepped in to help take care of a sick family member. I took on this role with a servant’s heart and it has shown. Everyday when my husband and I are helping I wake up and I start helping with a smile. In return I have learned some wise pieces of advice. Including how to rely on God even when things look hard.

In addition to this I recently celebrated my birthday, and I was so spoiled. Thank you to everyone who helped make my day special. I am making memories that I can look back on and smile about. 😊

When it comes to being faithful this month, I had a lot on my heart. Later Matt and I  talked about it, and he said it is better to share then to keep it inside. To be honest keeping things on the inside doesn’t help at all. Now that I have shared what I was feeling with my husband I feel a lot better, and God has revealed part of his life plan for me. Sometimes we don’t understand God’s plan, however we must remember in Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you.” declares the Lord, “Plans to give you hope and a future.” For me that future was for me to get married. Matt is really close to the lord and he continues to point me to Christ on a daily basis.

In addition to these thoughts, I kept focusing on the words that others had said in the past. They still hurt my heart. Matt reminded me that those words are in the past and that God would rather have me take the advice that Paul gave, “…But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has Called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”( Philippians 3:13 NIV)

 Matt reminded me that my thoughts should be praiseworthy, “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things. (Philippians 4:8 NIV)

When it comes to being generous, we continue to share the gospel and provide encouragement to our brothers and sisters in Christ. I love to get messages and cards from those who have received Matt’s book. His testimony really does show that if you give your problems over to God you can handle anything.

2022 Be Present, Be Faithful, Be Generous: February Edition

February has its challenges.  God had used this time to help me learn to be present, faithful, and generous.

This month God has reminded me time and time again that his timing is perfect. This morning my husband and I were talking about our wedding. We originally had plans to get married in March, but God’s timing is perfect. One of our family members is ill, and if we had planned to get married in March, he may have not been able to attend. God allowed us to get married in October so all family members could attend.

Recently, God has given me a crash course in being faithful. Last August I took a stand for my faith by telling my grandpa that I wouldn’t be taking the Covid shot. He said that if I did not take the shot I would have to move. Thankfully, God had placed on Matt’s heart that he and I were in love, and it was time for him to propose to me. 😊 However, this past month I have been focusing on the things that I lost. My husband reminded me of 2: Corinthians 4:18 NIV: “So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”  I should not be worried about my retirement or about my books that I left behind but focusing on things in heaven. It also says in Matthew 6:19-20 NIV: “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.  But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.  For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” It was hard for me to walk away from the things I knew. It was an adjustment to get married and move to another state, but God reminds me that I did it for his glory.

God reminded me of his faithfulness when he provided medicine for me. In early January I got a mystery rash. My nurse has no clue what is causing it and how to get rid of it. I have been through two rounds of steroids. It has improved, but not much. Some days are better than others. But I know that God is with me. For it says in John 14:27: “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”

God has also taught me about how to be Generous. Each month my husband and I step out in faith, and we sent out 10 to 15 copies of his book, Seeing Through Blindness. We have gotten some amazing feedback and this book has touched a lot of people. For us, it is our offering to God. It is a way to spread the Good News which is the Gospel of Jesus.

I am patiently waiting for God to continue to teach me in the month of March.

Introducing 2022 theme: Be Present, Be Faithful, Be Generous

I am so excited to see what this year brings for me. I chose the theme be Present, be Faithful and be Generous for different reasons.

I chose to be present. I have noticed since my marriage I have been thinking about my past and about my life in Florida. I had dreams and goals I felt like I had to either put on hold or I had to stop them completely. For example, I had to put my braille classes on hold. I have plans on resuming my studies again once I get some paperwork in order.  My husband has been very supportive of me by reminding me to stay in the present and stay focused on Jesus. I feel that the disciple Paul said it best: “Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to wind the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:13-14 NIV)

I chose to be Faithful. This has two meanings for me. I want to work on being a faithful servant of Jesus. I must remind myself daily that God is faithful to those who serve him, and he hears our prayers when we come to him. Here is an example, this month I broke out in a mysterious rash. I went to the doctor and got some medicine. It has taken some time, but I am slowly on the mend.

… “How much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” (Matthew 7:11 NIV)

Faithfulness is also one of the fruits of the spirit. When someone accepts Christ, we get the fruits of the spirit. “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” (Galatians 5:22-23 NIV) I hope to grow in this fruit this year.

Lastly, I want to be Generous. I have been blessed beyond measure. God has called us to be generous. I can be generous with my time, money, and personal belongings.

“A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.” (Proverbs 11:25 NIV)

I hope that God allows me to grow in all these areas over this year.  

Emily’s world

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The Poet's Point Is A Place Where The Pen Of A Ready Writer Roams...

Emily’s world

Welcome to Emily’s world! My name is Emily. I am 26 years old. I am completely blind. this is my personal blog where I write on my life and what not some things you can expect from me are blind/ sighted topics#gratefulness blog posts and inspiration blog posts and so much more regarding what comes to my mind! Please follow my blog to stay up to date with my latest blog posts ☺️

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