“I love you mom,” I said as I stood as a panicked sixteen-year-old standing in the living room. “I love you too, Amanda,” my mom said. Those were the last words that my mom said to me before she died from a sudden massive heart attack. The days and weeks to follow seemed to come in waves all in a blur. I had to work through my grief. It was a tough road, but one thing I have learned from all of it is I can enjoy and be thankful that I am able to look back at the sixteen years I had with my mother and smile. Days of fishing, dancing and cooking in the kitchen. These are the memories that I cherish the most.
It has been 15 years since my mother died, and in that time frame I have grown. My mother has missed seeing me go off to college, graduations, and many happy and sad days in-between. There are days when I wake up and I wish I could just sit down and have a cup of coffee and talk to my mom. I hope as I write this, she is looking down on me from heaven and she is smiling at the young woman I have become.
After my mother died my grandparents took over my care. They have fed, clothed, and provided treats for me. Even though my grandmother died in 2018, I am still thankful for all the help that she provided. Now it’s just my grandpa and I. He continues to provide for me while I work on my freelancing career. He has provided food, clothing, shelter and more. I am thankful that he helped me fight for the education I received at The University of West Florida. After college, my grandpa could have sent me on my way after continuously looking for employment. He hasn’t given up on me. I can’t thank him enough for helping me grow into the young woman I am today.
On the anniversary of my mother’s death I sit with my grief and I miss my mother. I also rejoice in the fact that she is with Jesus, and one day I will meet her again in Heaven. Sometimes I look back at all the things that my grandpa has provided for me and I can not express enough gratitude. Like in years past I will treat him to lunch. I am not sure yet where we will be dining, but I am sure it will be great.
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Nicely said, Amanda. 🙏
Thank you.
This is beautiful Amanda, you truly are blessed to have some wonderful memories and to have your grandpa (please tell him hi for me … miss seeing him). I know your mom and your grandma are watching you and are beaming with pride. I’m also proud of you Amanda, keep the faith and continue striving forward.
I will. 🙂
Beautifully written. The loss of a parent can have a profound impact on our lives. I was 15 when my father passed, so I do understand that all too well. I can look back on the 15 incredible years that I did have with him and appreciate those moments too, but it was hard when he wasn’t around to walk me down the aisle at my wedding or to see me graduate.
Thank you for stopping by. I’m sorry for your loss. If you ever want to talk feel free to reach out.
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