2020: My Mental Health Journey: I finally found the right therapist

At my first visit to my nurse, I asked her for a referral to see a mental health therapist. I have been having problems sleeping and I have been having episodes of anxiety and depression. My nurse did a quick questionnaire that confirmed that I indeed have been slightly depressed. I had to wait a few weeks before my appointment. As usual I ended up calling my best friends a few days before blabbing into their ears about how nervous I was. I was so nervous because my last therapist was pushy, and she kept pushing me to get on a diet known as the no white food diet. That diet only made my situation worse, and when I tried to talk to her about it, she only yelled at me. She also said that if I got rid of my periods and got out of VR that I would be happier.

I was hoping that this new therapist would listen to me and that she would not prescribe me a diet that would make me sick.

With the pandemic going on I am having my sessions via Zoom. Soon it was time to check in, and I loved how the clinic made me answer some security questions before I was let into the “waiting room.” Soon my phone rang, and my therapist introduced herself and gave me a choice to continue the session via Zoom or through the phone. I really wanted to do the session via Zoom because I was quite curious as to what my therapist looked like. Right away, I loved her positive energy. From what I can tell my therapist looks young maybe in her late 20’s or early 30’s. I know that age should not matter, but I feel like having someone close to my age can make certain things easier to talk about.

After a quick technology and safety check she asked me about my previous therapy history. I told her about how I did not like my last three therapists. After I lost my mother at age 16, I was put into trauma therapy.  The first therapist I saw I really liked, she listened and did not push me to talk about anything I did not want too. But she retired after my first semester. After that I had a new therapist. I did not like her because instead of focusing on my mother’s death she wanted to talk about my stepdad’s alcoholism. In the end, I felt like she thought that I was also an alcoholic, which is not the case. After a few sessions I decided to stop going to therapy. In 2015, I went to another therapist, and even though I liked her at first, she kept pushing a diet that made me feel sick. She also told me that my depression and anxiety were caused by my current situation. Part of what she was saying I believed to be true.

After explaining all this, my therapist told me that she was so sorry that my last three therapy experiences were negative, and it was positive that I was still wanting to get better and decided to continue to seek therapy.

After that we focused on my family. I explained that I grew up in Texas and then moved to Florida as a teenager. I lived with my mother and stepdad until I was 16 when my mother died. I then explained how my father’s side of the family is extremely negative towards me. We then shifted to the present where I talked about what my goals are and who is in my support system. I feel this therapist will help me break through my anxiety, depression, anger, and Body Dysmorphic Disorder.

Do All Blind People Think The Same Tag?

My friend, Cassie from the YouTube channel On The Friz did this tag. She told everyone who has not done the tag to do it so here it goes. In this tag you are supposed to give it a scale from 1-10. 1 being agree 5 being neutral and 10 disagree and then elaborate your answers.

  1. Being blind has enhanced my other senses 1- I agree because on harder vision days I find my senses of hearing and touch are more sensitive.

2. I prefer to date fellow blind people: 5- I have not dated much, and I wouldn’t mind if it went either way.

3. I am less shallow about romantic partners: 10- I disagree. Because I think its about how a person treats you.

 4. Unsolicited help makes things harder: 1- I agree.  I once was doing an O and M lesson, and someone offered to help me cross the street. If I had taken the help, I would not have learned how to cross the busy streets in Pensacola. The city I live in is easily accessible for me: 10- I Disagree. The bus that can come and pick me up is late 99.9 percent of the time and I am to far away to take the city bus.

5. I am offended when blind is used as one of my descriptive characteristics: 5- For me it depends on the context and, I prefer the term visually impaired instead of blind because I am not blind.

 6. Being blind has affected my mental health: 1- I agree on this statement because I have a lot of anxiety. I think part of this is because I have a hard time seeing things.

7.  I have experienced discrimination: 1- I agree because I have not been able to find a traditional job due to not having a driver’s license. However, this has given me the opportunity to start my own business.

8.  If I could regain my sight with a cure, I would want to: 5- I am neutral on this one. That is because I believe that having Nystagmus has made me a stronger person, but on the days that are hard on my eyes I wish there was a cure.

I hope you all enjoyed this tag. I am now tagging:

Glen from Well Eye Never

Chelsey Zumpano from VIBlindResources 

2020: More Courage, Self-control, and Joy-November Edition

November seemed to fly by for me. It started out with me showing courage at my first doctor appointment in four years. I am happy to report that other than a rash, I am healthy.

I showed self-Control when I went through my room. I was very honest with myself and what I wanted to keep, what I really needed and what I could donate. In total I gave away four bags of belongings. I think that I am going to start cleaning out my room every couple of months to see what I can get rid of. Speaking of getting rid of things I went through my junk drawer and I got rid of a lot of electronics. I feel like I have more control over my belongings.

Lastly, I was able to show Joy at Thanksgiving because I was able to spend a quiet day at home. I was able to relax and clean the house. Then in the evening I was able to go out to dinner with my grandfather. He had some cheese sticks and I had chicken Alfredo. I have to say the dish was not that great, but I was thankful that I was able to enjoy spending time with my grandpa.

How was the month of November for you? Let me know in the comments below.

Happy Thanksgiving

This year, like many people across the country, Thanksgiving will be celebrated differently. In years past I have gathered with friends at a restaurant. However, this year I will be celebrating it by staying home until my grandpa and I go out to dinner. Looking back on this year my heart fills with thankfulness. I am thankful for my Grandpa, my dog, Duke, family, and friends.

I am also thankful for my health. I finally got into a clinic where I can get my health needs met. I feel blessed to be able to have access to healthcare when years ago I thought I would never have that access.

I am thankful for my team members who work behind the scenes who help with my business. Without your help I I would not have made it this far. Thank you!

Most importantly thank you to my readers, or as I like to call you, my butterflies. No matter what platform you follow me on it means the world to me that you check out my content. Thank you for your love and support.

I hope each and everyone of you have a healthy and safe Thanksgiving.

Like Daniel: Into the Lion’s den we go!

Have you ever felt like you were going to be eaten by lions? I sure have! Yet, with faith I overcame this fear.

You see, I do not have health insurance and for the past four years I have not seen a doctor. For over the last month I had been calling the low-income clinic trying to reach their social worker to see if I would qualify for their low-income sliding scale program. After telling the social worker my situation I was granted the “free” scale. From there she led me to my nurse’s office where I had to fill out my medical history.

As I waited for my name to be called, I prayed a prayer of thanksgiving for meeting my needs and a prayer for courage since going to the doctors were like being thrown into the lion’s den. The reason I was so nervous was because of the sad reality of seeing my mother passed away right in front of me at age 17, and on top of that having quite a few bad experiences with medical professionals when I was a teenager.

As I sat there waiting for my name to be called my palms were sweating, and my heart was racing as the nurse led me from the scale into the exam room. When I finally perch myself on the exam table, I felt like I was in a den of lions ready to be eaten. Trying to calm myself I thought about a Bible study I did a few weeks back about Daniel and the lions. I knew I had to be like Daniel and have faith. The nurse’s assistant asked me the usual round of questions, like if I was in pain, when my last time I saw the doctor, what medicines I was taking, etc.

Then she took my blood pressure, which was fine, however she had to take my pulse twice. My pulse was high at 129. As I sat there waiting on the nurse, I continued to feel like I was going to panic. I started to do my breathing exercises. Breathe in and then slowly out through your mouth I told myself. Then the holy spirit came to me and reminded me of verse John 14:27, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”

Then the nurse came in and we talked. She could tell that I was really scared. She gave me a chance to calm down and get all my anxiety out before she did a basic exam. She listened to my heart, lungs, and stomach. She also looked at my mouth, nose, ears, and eye. (By the way, she knew what Nystagmus was. 😊). Then she looked at my legs and ankles.  Afterwards, we came up with a treatment plan.

I am now on a short round of medicines for a rash. It should be cleared up in a few weeks. I also got a referral for mental health for depression and anxiety. Remember it is okay to reach out for help.

I also need to follow up with the eye doctor and dentist at the clinic. When I walked out of the clinic, I felt good that I looked fear straight in the face!

2020: More Courage, Self-control and Joy-October Edition

October was another month that was filled with ups and downs. I showed Courage more than once. My last Orthodontist appointment was on 11-5-2020, I was really concerned about needing surgery. I am happy to report that the pain is gone, praise Jesus, and that surgery is not needed. Have you ever felt like you were going up against a giant? I felt like I was. I have not seen a doctor in over four years, and I knew that it was time to get back into healthy habits. That meant obtaining courage and making an appointment. It took over five times to get a hold of the social worker to be able to tell my story. I finally got a hold of her and got my appointment set. 

Part of learning self-control is learning to trust Jesus. I have battled anxiety and depression most of my life. Since I made my doctor appointment it was hard to push the thoughts of going to the upcoming appointment aside. I have a hard time trusting doctors and nurses because I lost my mother, from a heart attack, at the age of sixteen. I have a huge fear of dying like my mother. However, I knew to better my health I had no choice, but to go to my appointment in November. God has given me another crash course in anger management and the ability to let things go. On the way to my last orthodontist appointment I texted a “friend,” and she started cussing me out pointing out things that were wrong in my life. Like the fact that I have a low income, no insurance and the fact that because of my visual impairment she never thinks that I will make something of myself. I tried to stand up for myself explaining that in Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen.” She continued to say hurtful things. I continued to point to the Lord by saying that I walk in God’s grace every day. In 2 Corinthians 9-11 says, “My gracious favor is all you need. My power works best in your weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weakness, so that the power of Christ my work through me. Since I know it is all for Christ’s good, I am quite content with my weakness and with insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” Even though I continued to point to the cross she continued to argue. I ended up just ending the fight. I felt angry and hurt. The next day my friend came back to me and did not show any remorse. I had a hard time giving it over to the lord. Those words she spoke really hurt. I continue to ask for God’s grace and guidance on this matter.

When it comes to joy, I have felt joyful over the fact that I have been working with a friend who shares with me the hard work of running a business. She encourages me during each meeting. It brings me great gladness the goals that I have achieved.

How was October for you? Tell me in the comments below.   

HALLOTOBER TAG

I was tagged by Nicola who runs the blog, Parenting in Pain to do the Hallotober Tag. Here are the rules for the tag:

The post rules are 

  1. Thank the person who tagged you and link to their post.
  2. Put the rules are the beginning or after the introduction.
  3. Answer the 13 questions.
  4. Tag 13 people to do the tag.
  5. Delete Question, add a new question of your own.

With the rules out of the way let’s get started. Thank you, Nicola for tagging me to do this tag.

Here are her questions:

  1. What’s your favorite thing about October? The colors.
  2. Are you a big celebrator of Halloween? I am not, but blind as a bat girl is. Blind as a bat girl is a girl who fights against blindness and helps promote eye health. She only comes out during Halloween since she is part bat.
  3. What’s your favorite horror movie? I don’t watch horror movies.
  4. Would you rather a cozy night in watching horrors or a big night out in a costume? Blind as a bat girl loves to go out trick or treating.
  5. Which has been your most favorite costume to date? As a kid I loved dressing up as Underdog.
  6. Bobbing for apples or pin the hat on the witch? Pin the hat on the witch.
  7. How do you celebrate Halloween? Blind as a bat girl always stops by my house to tell others how to help save their eye sight. I love to hang out with her. Tonight I am also having a pizza party with a friend.
  8. What’s your least favorite horror? I don’t watch horror movies.
  9. Do you have a favorite trick or treating memory? As a kid I loved dressing up as a doctor, ninja and Underdog. When I was little I would go trick or treating around my grandparent’s neighborhood. Also, attending the Halloween fair when my Step Dad was a chef at a nursing home was fun.
  10. What’s your favorite thing about Halloween? Seeing the children
  11. have fun and get candy.
  12. Scary costume or Silly costume? I would prefer a silly costume over a scary one.
  13. What’s your favorite Halloween candy? Reese’s peanut butter cup.
  14. What costume did you really want as a kid, but never got? My mom always got me a Halloween costume I asked for.
Beyond Sight 101

Welcome to Beyond Sight 101 this is my personal blog where I write and focus on #working on myself #inspiration #motivation #gratefulness and day to day things and what gets me through and so much more regarding being a better version of me! Please follow me to stay up to date with my latest blog posts ☺️

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